If only people would tell the truth of what they do behind closed doors!
We are so busy pretending to be happy and keeping up appearances on social media that we’ve become a nation of superficiality. Our second life in virtual reality is a pretend place and we’d rather live there! It all looks so good. But it isn’t perfect. Relationships can drive you to madness.
As a healer for almost 25 years, I am privileged to know the truth about people and how they suffer. There are things women can do to help their hearts. They can wake up to their 10 worst mistakes in relationships.
- YOU BELIEVE IN THE CINDERELLA FAIRYTALE. You want so badly to walk off into the sunset with the Cinderella dream, the happily-ever-after complete with a prince, a knight in shining armor, a wedding, a white picket fence, the 2 kids, that you turn away from reality. You choose to not see what you really need to see. The fairytale and the desire for illusion can kill you.
- YOU STAY TOO LONG AT THE PARTY. You know you should leave, but you are afraid to be alone. You believe in the relationship’s potential and that you can change your partner. You waste days and years trying to fit a square peg into a circle. Your life is passing you by. You stay in your unhappy relationship out of fear, because you think you can’t get anyone else, or you don’t deserve better. You settle for crumbs. All the signs are there for you to move on, but you don’t have the courage to walk out the door.
- YOU GIVE ALL YOUR POWER AWAY TO THE MAN. You put your man on a pedestal. You elevate him and make him the “be all, end all.” You forget that you are a woman of the 21st century and don’t need to thrive off of a man, or even need him to put food on the table. You need to get back to empowering yourself. The number one rule of being a goddess/diva/empress/queen is that you never, ever, EVER give your energy away to anyone or anything outside of yourself.
- YOU DON’T HAVE SELF-ESTEEM. Women are raised with low self-esteem and suffer deeply from this wound. You do not embrace healthy, strong boundaries based on self-love and self-care. You make excuses for the mistreatment and the pain. You allow men to get away with putting you down and criticizing you. You need to ignite your inner power and put up healthy boundaries. “I vow to never let anyone treat me badly ever again.”
- YOU BELIEVE SOMEONE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS, OR YOU BLAME SOMEONE FOR YOUR OWN UNHAPPINESS. A spiritual truth is that we are the creation of our own reality and responsible for our destiny. Allowing someone to drag you down or be in charge of your happiness is dangerous territory. Instead you need to embrace the mantra, “I am responsible for my own life and the creation of my destiny.” You are a hero, not a victim.
- YOU GET FOOLED BY THE BEGINNING. Every relationship begins in the “Honeymoon” stage. It starts off like a drug that gets you hooked. In the early stages, the blinders are on and you don’t see the whole truth about the person. You are carried away by the adrenaline of being in love. Later on, the lights go on and you will enter the reality phase and begin to see the truth. This can be scary and so you long for the beginning high of love and try to stay in denial of what you really see.
- YOU ARE UNHEALED AND CARRY REPEAT BAGGAGE FROM YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIPS. If you don’t heal your issues at the “root of the root” of your soul, you will only attract the same issues, the same characters in your play again and again. Relationships are a mirror to show you yourself. You need to ask the question, “What is this relationship asking me to see in myself? What am I being asked to change and heal?” If you don’t heal what you need to heal, you will meet the same guy and be in the same issue – though maybe in a different locale!
- YOU TAKE CRAP BY COMPARTMENTALIZING. You must look at the whole pie. You can’t say, “He is great all week, but just on Friday he criticizes me terribly.” You must make a decision to see the whole picture and to stop all denial.
- YOU FORGET YOUR DREAMS AND MELD INTO HIS DREAM. Women are obsessed with the concept of finding “The One” and when they think they have found it, they are often ready to give up their own dreams and goals to please their partner. You must stay in your own fabulousness forever and a day, and never need anyone more than you need yourself. You must continue to follow your authentic path and dreams.
- YOU HAVE TO BE PERFECT/SUPER WOMAN. Women are so hard on themselves. Women are self-critical. They are always slapping themselves. They are always trying to fix themselves. They are never enough. Women are masters of blaming themselves. They sacrifice so much and still feel guilty. They must know and learn that they are perfect because they breathe, because they are beautiful as they are.
Women can heal in a moment if she knows her mistakes and vows to change through feminine spiritual law of self-love and self-care. When she finds true love in herself and she is whole and healed, then a mate is icing on the cake.
Read more answers at the F.A.Q. page.